The Dark Side

Hands down the statement I always hear in my professional life is, “You are too young!”.  Too young to have 5 children, too young to have the experiences I have had, too young to have the successes, too young to have the world knowledge?  I reply with a simple statement, “I have lived a life of one 3 times my age”. Not by choice, but by opportunity.

Twenty Nine years ago I was born to Annemarie Tegnel and Duane “DOG” Chapman.  I was born in Westminster Colorado on November 14th, 1980.  I was brought into a family that had not yet made the commitments of marriage to one and another and thus the relationship fell apart quickly and my biological parents went in opposite directions. Before the dissolving of my parents relationship I was blessed with a baby brother, James R. Chapman.  He is just behind me in years by one.  As a small child it was identified that he suffered from a sever brain handicap and his brian would not develop past the capabilities of an average 5 year old.  He is 28 years old now and is enjoying his life with peace and love.

In just one short year my childhood had reached the end of it’s ‘normality’ and my express childhood journey begun. Here is where my story takes a dark and gloomy turn.  As always there are many versions of how it happened, but there is only one version of it happening.

At the young age of one my mother decided to leave Colorado and move to Utah. In doing so my father went to follow his dream of becoming a world famous bounty hunter.  Thus the two went into separate directions with my mother taking both James and I to Utah and to the start of my dark adventure.

Annemarie remarried quickly and to a man that could only be classified as scum.  Now I am not one to belittle or insult my elders or parents, but this man earned his title it was not given. For 5 years James and I lived with this man.  He and my mother brought two children into the world, my half brother and sister.  During these five years I quickly was given duties of babysitting, feeding and caring for my younger three siblings.  Why?  My mother and step father seemed to have other ideas in life that did not include children.  My step father thought of children as toys not humans.

My story takes a very dark side during these 5 years.  I will briefly explain as it is a an important part of who I am today and the lesson of overcoming I have learned because of it.  My step father was a very abusive and sick minded man.  His fantasies in life included children.  He did not stop with sexual abuse, he also felt the need for physical and emotional abuse to show his true dominance over his children.  His love for his dogs overpowered any love he had for his step sons and would on several occasions allow his dogs to sleep inside while we were forced to sleep in the dog house in the back yard.  Drinking was an art for him and his drinking was an open social event and was yet another way for him to improperly use children for his own amusement.  The abuse lasted for the next 5 years and then I got my break.  My life was about to take completely different turn and begin my path to freedom and love.

After 5 years of darkness my young 6 year old mind wanted light.  Unfortunately a 6 year olds power is quite limited in today’s world and my influence could not be felt.  I had spent the 5 years crying out for help as only a child can, crying and crying often and loudly!  I was taken to just about every principles office in the small town of West Jordan and was expelled twice before the first grade ended.  Of course is was me and my mother truly believed this.  A school official counseled her to enroll me in counseling to see where my anger was coming from. This quickly became an inpatient experience in a local clinic and after a few weeks I was released and returned home.  This would be a short visit and be my last visit ‘home’ in my young childhood.

My step father quickly returned to his abusive ways, but this time he took it to an all time high. He recruited my half sister and I and used us for his sick minded entertainment.  This was the last time I would be hurt and the last time he would attempt to lay his harmful hands on me.  I was no longer a child, but had grown into a small boy.  A boy that had had enough and wanted help.

I had heard of a ‘God’, but did not know Him.  I had heard you could ‘cry’ to him so I did.  Wether it was an act of God or an act of a 6 year crying for help, my mother decided to enroll me into Primary Children’s Hospital.  The catch? She never returned.  For the next 2 years I spent in and out of Primary Children’s Hospital and foster care.  Though this is not a child’s dream it was my dream come true.  My lighted journey had begun, but I would never of guessed the darkness that would still ensue until the light shinned on me.